The Adventures of Babysitting Grown-ass Superheroes
by PillowBacon
Summary: Fern Levy is a Shield agent. Pretty simple, straight forward. On Fern's first day off since Shield fell she gets a call. And all of a sudden she'd dragged into a mess of grown men hiding in vents and petty fights on who gets the remote. Yet, of course, her life can't simply be grown men hiding in vents. Unfortunately. (Rated T for swearing and mild violence) (Picture is Fern)
1. Chapter 1

One

Fern's P.O.V

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_**Y**_**ou know those days where you expect perfect relaxation?** Like just a day in your pajamas, looking gross and watching _Game of Thrones_ while you pig out on the most unhealthy foods and feel bad about it for the next month?

This was supposed to be my Perfect Relaxation day. Spent alone in my apartment, ignoring that feeling of loneliness as I watched _How I Met Your Mother_ and _Fresh Prince of Bel-Air_ while eating a family bucket of KFC chicken on my own and chugged a slurpee.

Certain assholes, however won't allow me to do such a thing. I glared at my cell phone, knowing perfectly well that Nicki Minaj's _Stupid Hoe_, meant Coulson. And Coulson calling would just mean I had to go to work.

I decided that turning myself into a burrito would be a better way to deal with such a thing and curled up in my duvet.

"Fern," chided Phil's voice over the phone, "I know you're awake."

I ignored the asshole and buried my face into the pillow. Praying he'll just hang up and get another agent to do his bidding.

"I need you to do an assignment," he said, "It's not that difficult and It'd kind of be a vacation."

"I highly fucking doubt that." I grumbled, glaring at the phone.

"You'd be supervising the Avengers, keeping them in line while we rebuild Shield." explained Coulson.

I snatched the phone and pressed answer, "You want me to babysit a bunch of grown fucking adults?" I seethed.

"Knew you were awake." muttered Coulson, "And it's not babysitting, you'd be supervising-"

"It's glorified babysitting, Phil." I hissed, "This is supposed to be my day off, I mean you promised, man."

"I know, I promised, but if you do this you're basically getting a few months off work?" he reasoned.

"I don't want a few months off work," I, admittedly, whined, "I want _today_ off work."

Coulson audibly sighed and I curled into my bed deeper. As if the bed would form jaws and eat me whole, taking me to a new world where I could avoid responsibilities. Which was annoyingly enough, just one of my fantasies.

"Fern, I really need you to do this assignment." said Phil gently, "I'll make it up to you."

I pushed my phone away, listening to the man I idolized as my older brother. "Get Hill to do it, at least she _knows _them."

"You're the only person I know who can properly handle the entire team." he encouraged.

"No. You know plenty of agents who are perfectly capable." I retorted, damn man thought I was stupid enough to buy into this?

"I do know plenty of agents who're perfectly capable. But you're the only one of them I actually trust." he stated, "Come on, glorified babysitting, right? how hard can it be?"

"One of them's a _god._" I reminded him, "I'm not trained to babysit a _god._ Or a genetically engineered super soldier, or geniuses, or assassins." I felt my chest seize up, like someone was grabbing my lungs and squeezing them. It was stupid and I should have been able to jump right into this but I couldn't.

"Hey, it'll be just fine." he coaxed and I heard a gunshot in the background, "You know just as well as I do you'll be the best at what you do. As you usually are."

"What if I fuck it up?" I muttered.

"Then you fuck it up." he said, "No biggie, you're really just getting a free place to stay and a chance to make Tony Stark act like a functioning human being."

"I highly doubt that." I laughed, "I own Ninety seven books and I cry when I pass kennels. I'm not even a fully functioning human being, I'm like, a fourth of a functioning human being."

"Well, Tony Stark's a sixteenth of a functioning human being." chuckled Phil, another gun shot, "So. Will you do it?"

I rolled my eyes, "You owe me. Big time."

"I'll put it on your Christmas list." I could hear the bastards grin, "Go to Stark towers at four. Shield's e-mailed both Stark and Potts. You have to be moved in by the end of the week."

"Bro, it's Thursday." I said, "You're giving me three days to move out?"

"You should start hurrying." he retorted.

"You should keep your job because you'd be a shitty landlord." I snapped before hanging up.

I laid in bed for another twenty minutes before realizing it was 2: 30 and I had to get up so I could shower before I met a bunch of Richie Rich's. I half an hour showering, doing my hair and makeup and getting dressed. I decided to skip breakfast and just made myself a tea before I headed to Stark tower.

My day of Perfect Relaxation had been ruined, horribly ruined. Not a single episode of Orange is the New Black. Which meant someone had to pay for the fact that had totally ruined my day.

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_Hey, I hope you liked the first chapter. I'm hoping to post a chapter next week at some point. Please Review, favourite whatever you do with this stuff. Please, if you have any critique, leave it behind, I'd legitimately love to hear it._

_Thanks for bothering,_

_PillowBacon._


	2. Chapter 2

Two

Fern's P.O.V

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**_A_****vengers tower was ****_huge_****.** There was really no other word to describe it. You could walk past it all you like, you'd still feel the need to look at it because it was just so massively huge. The lobby was also huge, I can fully promise you that I'm an expert on this single floor of the Avengers tower.

Because I'd been sat here for the past forty minutes.

You'd think one of these people would be professional enough to show up on time but apparently I just wasn't worth getting of their asses for.

_Fair enough._ I thought, annoyed because I'd lost all feeling in my ass. _Guess I won't care either. _I kicked my legs into the air and spun myself so I was sat upside down in the chair, kicking my legs like a fucking schoolgirl.

I proceeded to call Coulson, just so I could complain to him.

"Yes Fern?" Don't sound so fucking exasperated, _I'm _the one who's been sat in the same spot for forty minutes.

"I hate you." I told him, "I really mean it this time."

I could _hear _him rolling his eyes at me.

"Of course you do." he said dryly, "How long have you been waiting?"

"Forty long minutes." I grumbled, "How much did this building cost? cause there's a fucking draft. And I've been thinking did you know Stark nearly rhymes with shart? kind of like how Coulson nearly rhymes with diabolical asshat!"

"That's not even close." he muttered.

"I said nearly." I grumbled, lifting my head up and sprawling across the seats. "By the way, who's the brit living in the walls? he told me to wait here and he'd alert Ms Potts, but here I am forty minutes later and still waiting."

"That's Jarvis, he's the AI." explained Coulson, "Like the Butler but with no physical form."

"What the hell? what's the point in a butler if he can't get you alcohol?" I asked.

"I don't know, can I go now? you're kind of holding me up."

"Fuck you too." I muttered, hanging up.

The elevator dinged and Miss Potts walked into the lobby, fifty-five minutes late and looking less than professional as her ponytail was slightly messy and she looked like she hadn't slept for the past three days.

"Fern Levy?" she asked.

I would have said something snarky and bitchy, but the poor woman looked like a single mother after going to the grocery store so I bit back any comment I could make. "One and only," I smiled, "You must be Miss Potts."

She nodded, "I'm terribly sorry about making you wait. There was an accident upstairs and Tony's been stuck under Thor's hammer for the past hour and a half."

I furrowed my eyebrows and had a moment of _what the fuck did Coulson get me into now?_ before I followed her into the elevator and she pressed one of the many, _many _buttons.

"When will you be moving in?" asked Miss Potts.

"I was given the deadline of the end of the week so sometime between then." I answered as the elevator stopped and the doors opened.

Miss Potts lead me into the large living room, the left and right walls were completely made out of windows, giving the perfect view of fireworks and New York's landscape on either side. It was a completely empty apartment, other than the large plasma television, the fully equipped kitchen and a couple of bar stools.

"Down that hallway is a bathroom, bedroom, guest bedroom, and a spare room for anything you'll need-office storage and the like." explained Miss Potts, gesturing down the hallway, "This floor is yours, above you is Steve-Captain America, and under you is general hangout for the team."

I nodded in understanding, still admiring the view from the windows. "Oh, Miss Potts, I've been meaning to ask you. Were you informed of how long I'd be here?"

"No. I assumed you'd know." she answered.

I chuckled dryly, "They informed me of the assignment this morning. Thank you, very much, for everything. Is there anything, at all I need to know before I start?"

Pepper gave me a pitying look, "I can't help you with that to be honest, I barely know them except for Tony and Bruce." She handed me the tablet she'd been holding to her chest, "This is yours."

I nodded, taking the tablet, from her.

"We usually have dinner together, if you're attending you text the cook, which is usually Steve, Bruce, or myself. That you're going to be there so we know how much to make, dinner is usually served around six-thirty to seven and will most of the time be take-out." she explained, "If you need anything at all, I've put everyone's contact information on the tablet."

"Understood." I smiled, "Thank you Miss Potts."

"It's no problem." I knew the look under that smile was pity, "And good luck, trust me. You'll need it."

She walked into the elevator. Leaving me alone in the bare apartment. I glanced around the room, a few plants, my candles and all my books and the place would be just as cramped as my last apartment. I spent the rest of my time checking out my new place.

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_Hey, I hope you liked the new chapter. It's mainly just a filler, unfortunately. I really hope you guys enjoyed it and stuff like that. Please review, follow and favorite, or whatever you want._

_Sincerely,_

_PillowBacon_


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